These days I seem to have a lot more reasons to smile. Compare my life from a year ago…shoot! Compare my life from two years ago to today and anybody would be able to figure out why I am smiling more. Good gravy! What had I done to myself? Stupidly, I placed trust in a multitude of other people, for decades, thinking that they all would stand behind me and help me succeed in life. Instead, they were all out for their own selfish gains, used up all the good parts of me and then threw me into the biggest hurricane of a storm ever created without even caring if I lived thru it or not.
I was lucky I survived. After the storm subsided, there I was laying broken, battered and beaten within a inch of my life. I was left laying there, barely alive it seemed. With one last gasp and what little I could muster, I crawled off the road, down into the ditch where I took shelter inside a large hole and hunkered down until I could regain my strength back from the whirling vortex that had stripped me of my life. The storm picked up energy from time to time, and I came out to try and beat it…to yell in it’s face, “I will not be defeated!” But it took a lot out of me when I did that so I ended up staying down in that hole until the storm past (or gave up waiting on me to come out again so it could finish me off!) But I had found my haven, the only place where I was safe, and truthfully by that point, I had nothing left in me to fix myself. Most everything had been stripped away, and what little I had left seemed to have been completely sucked out of me during the storm. I knew that I had one chance of survival and that was to return to the simplicity of life’s elements so they could heal me. As weak as I was, I had to listen to their guidance, trust in their wisdom and send out a call to a higher being. I had to find my faith. I had to believe that, in time, they all would be able to fix me. I had to humble myself…
It took me several years to recover from the “implosion” as I like to call it. The healing process was long and arduous. I had to learn to crawl, then find my feet to stand, then my legs to walk before I could even move forward. I had to learn to speak again, find my voice, trust myself and really listen to what my surroundings were telling me.
Today, although there are parts of me still in the healing process, I can finally say that I am really and truly happy. I am standing up straighter. I am walking with confidence. I am not afraid to speak again. I am building a presence in a whole new world. AND, not only am I smiling…I am laughing at everyone who thought I was a nothing, a nobody, and completely invisible. I am laughing at everyone who thought I was a failure, a loser, and would never be successful. I am laughing at all those who I willingly let take a part of my life away from me.
Why? Because it will never happen again. I have learned how to fight back – mentally, physically, and spiritually. I am successful, and I have done it on my terms and in my own way. And the next time someone tries to throw me into a storm, well….my answer to that is…”I love storms!”
I have learned a great life lesson and survived. Today, I pick and choose what I want to do. I have lots of interests and projects of which I am involved. Probably more than I know what to do with (my husband would say that I have over committed myself!) However, I am having the time of my life, because it is my life. MINE…and it doesn’t belong to someone else. I am making money at a job I love and am really good at; I am writing for myself and others have recognized that I am really, really good at that too. So yes, I do have a reason to smile, because finally…FINALLY…I am happy with who I am.
Wishing you moments in order to find those reasons to smile!
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