…I was crying in my room. Crying over wasted time. Crying as I watched my career go down in flames. Crying because I was such a fool.
Subconsciously, I knew things were not right. I got hints of it in mid-2009 when I came back from a much needed, and for the first time ever taken, two week vacation. Things were great before I left…I should have known. Nothing is ever that perfect! When I returned, the storm hit and sent me flying. All I could do was hang on hoped that the storm would be short-lived.
The only way to survive this mess was to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Faced with the prospect of no future at the job that had once promised me everything, I now had to take matters into my own hands. I had to come up with a plan.
The hardest part of putting together a plan is actually taking the first step. It’s one thing to say you’re going to do something, but to actually do it…well, that’s a whole other story. So, I did what any intelligent, administrative professional would do…I picked up a pen and started to write.
It was slow at first, but then the words flowed out of me like magic. They wouldn’t stop. I wrote down ideas, made lists and organized my “stuff” all the while wrapping my head around the prospects of a completely different future. I really had no idea where this was all going to end up, but the mere thought of doing something completely different than what I was doing…well, that was completely exhilerating!
I kept everything quiet until I was sure it was going to work out. It was a good thing, because the “career” I thought I had was slipping away and on the outside, I was devasted. I made sure everyone around me knew it too. If I was going to go down in flames, I was going to make a lot of noise. Inside, however, I was leaping for joy because I finally able to release something inside of me that had been waiting for a very long time to come out and play with the rest of the world.
When I was finally pressed about what I was going to do, I casually hinted my intentions. I don’t think anyone was surprised. In fact, I was really excited about my prospects. I had finally formulated a plan that was going to pick me back up and lead my down a new path that I had never dreamed I would actually embark.
The plan has evolved over the last year and I have added some exciting new dimensions that could really add up to something. I no longer cry over what I lost. In fact, I am grateful for what happened. While I was really angry for a long, and I do mean long time, I can only say that if it hadn’t happened, I would probably not be sitting here this afternoon writing this to all of you.
The transistion period from the old life to this new life was probably the worst. I was sad and confused and wishing for what was instead of being excited about the new “day”. It took a long while, about nine months in fact, to finally smile again.
Isn’t that interesting?
One year ago things seem so bleak. But during these last nine months, I’ve planted, nourished and given birth to a whole new me.
I’m not crying as much…at least not over the wasted time. Because you see, the time really wasn’t wasted after all. It was all a part of the plan to get me to this day. My career hasn’t really gone down in flames, it just has gone in a new direction. Albeit, I didn’t expect it to go this way, but when does anything ever go the way you plan. And, best of all, I am no longer a fool; I am just a whole lot wiser. I no longer count on others to make things happen for me. I make things happen for myself. I make my own choices and I listen to my inner self.
Right now, life is good,
***I have written this piece for a group on Facebook that I joined, GBE 2: Blog On. This is week #17 and the topic is One Year Ago… Interested in more…click on the picture below to take you there.
10 thoughts on “One Year Ago…”
Wonderful! I just read another blog, and the writer said, "I learned a lot, hurt a lot, and grew stronger." It seems that her words would apply very well to you, too.
That's good you found your inner strength. A lot does change in a year.
This is fantastic. Your a survivor who took a tough situation and made it positive.
Had a conversation yesterday about this very thing – Mike Tyson once said, "Everyone has a plan until you punch them in the face." Don't know if he meant to be as deep as that sounds, but it is a truth. Life is easy as long as everything is going along smoothly. It is the bumps in the road and the unplanned 'accidents' that build our strength. Diamonds are made under great pressure, steel is forged in fire! Nice write!
Go you! Glad to hear you turned something that could've crushed you into a positive time to re-evaluate. It's so good to hear how much change a year can make in everyone's lives. :o)
Glad things are better for you now.
This just made me happy through and through! That is a difficult job in the fall. I HATE the fall, btw.
I am so pleased to hear that you have a handle of your future and more importantly that you also understand that your past has made you who you are now.
That appears to be a strong a capable woman.
That makes me happy again! 🙂
What a survivor you are!! Great post!
Susan–I really love the honesty here. There is a saying–what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger–I think you are coming out stronger for all that pain.
I too questioned "why" certain things had to happen they way they did 8 years ago. Let's just say–I went through a really tough period–but what flourished out of that mess–has led me to where I am today and hindsight 20/20, if I could go back I would relive that time all over again. Because now–I'm where I am the most content in my entire adult life.
Thanks for a great post!! Keep smiling 🙂 Jenn.
Excellent – powerful metaphors for whatever took place. I'm glad you found yourself and your direction.