Priorities

 
I have spent the better part of my life putting everyone else’s needs, wants and expectations ahead of my own. I became the master juggler…
I was young…I was weak…I was easily malleable into whatever shape I needed to fit. I thought it was the right thing to do. Along the way though, I lost myself. I faded into the background…was “seen and not heard” (Anybody ever heard of that phrase?) Before I knew it…20 years of my life had past me by.
But with age comes wisdom.
The last few years though have been a real eye-opener. I could feel the change coming long before; unfortunately, I buried those sensations and following the beat of another person’s drum. Once again, I let my mind tell me it was the right thing to do. I should have listened to my heart. I should have listened to my inner voice…my spirit. I didn’t, and subsequently, I paid a price for it. 
You may all say, “I told you so!” I won’t like you any less if you do. In fact, I will probably say, “Thank you!” I admit my priorities were skewed…for a really long time. But let’s face it, whose priorities were they anyway? They weren’t mine. Wow…there’s another revelation that just hit me.
They…weren’t…my…priorities.
Seriously…the farther on this side of “what my life used to be” allows me to have a clearer vision of “Susan’s Priorities”.
So let’s take a look at me now…
I’m alive…I can breathe…I can feel…feel all those things around me. I’ve learned to embrace it…and finally listen to what it is telling me.
I’ve learned to believe…in myself. There’s no doubt about my talents…they’ve just been pushed aside for so long while I was taking care of “other stuff”. I realize now that while I was taking care of that “other stuff”, I was quietly building the foundation on which I was going to lay my priorities on and begin my real life.   
I have no doubt about that. No doubt at all.
Subconsciously, I must have been planning this all along. But, I’m awake now and fully conscious of everything. It’s a little scary, but somehow exciting.
I’m almost a year into this new life. I survived…all the hurt, all the ugliness. It was painful…this transition. There were moments when I was going to throw it all away. And I do mean all of it. But, once I let go of the past, everything just seemed to click. 
I still have a long way to go. Some of these priorities need a little massaging…a little shaping…a more definitive focus…a stronger beat…on my own drum. 
I’m stronger now; stronger than before. And I am ready to put Susan at the top of that list of priorities.

The start of the new me…

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  • Jo

    "I’m stronger now; stronger than before. And I am ready to put Susan at the top of that list of priorities."
    And that is the beginning of a great new life for that beautiful soul.
    Good job. 🙂

  • Isn't it wonderful to have you at the top of the list?? Wish I was at that point, but I am not yet. I am still putting everyone else first. I give you real credit for putting yourself first. I hope one day I can be that strong too. Lovely post!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com/

  • This post made me so happy! It sounds like you are now being the person that God intended for you to be! You found you!

    Have a wonderful Thanksgiving my friend!

    Linda S.

  • Good for you!! I'm glad to hear YOU are at the top of your priority list!! And you do feel more alive when you take care of you first. <3

  • Congrats on finding yourself, which is often tough to do. I think as women, we are raised to be passive caregivers. Taking care of others is great, but we must also take care of ourselves. Great post.

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

  • Go, go, go Susan! You MUST be number one in your life so that you have the energy and interest and drive to look after others. It's not always easy, but keep your eyes on the prize and it WILL get easier and, incredibly, other pars of life will fall into place. Something to practice? Saying the word, "No." It's very hard, but incredibly liberating. Go, go, go Susan!