I used to sit at my desk and work all day long without ever taking a break, save for a quick trip to the loo. I wore the “hero’s cape” to do and fix everything. While I did this, it just seemed that the harder I worked, the farther away I was getting from where I really wanted to be. And ultimately, where did it get me…nowhere. I lost my perspective, I lost my identity, and I forgot who I really was because I let the work identify me. I wore the “cape” every day because I thought it would get me somewhere.
I didn’t gain any extra insight, advancement or anything. I let the work enslaved me to what I thought was something very important. But the thing that should have been important was me. Why did I believe that wearing the “cape” would get me to where I wanted? Maybe because I had qualities that others needed and if they used them I would feel important, thereby making me feel good.
Wearing the “cape” to be the hero and letting my work and the promises of better things for myself (the “carrots”) kept me from moving forward as a person. I let someone else control me by dangling these carrots in front of me thinking that they were my destiny thereby losing my identity. I was actually hiding behind the “cape”. I was actually causing more harm to myself than good.
I lost the essence of who I was until circumstances beyond my control started to change things. While I angry at the time, I think it was the three “Fates” telling me that it was time to remove the “cape”. Slowly I began to find me again. I started to write and read and go back to doing the things that were important to me. I was listening again and becoming in-tune again.
But it wasn’t easy. The “Fates” finally had to step in and give me a shove. And it was painful…more painful than my surgery, and I thought that was painful, but this was much, much worse. I had to realize that I didn’t do anything wrong, but it woke me up to reality and gave me back my perspective so that I could think clearly. I know who I am and I know what I want. I know that I am good at what I do. I wouldn’t be doing it for a living if I wasn’t. But it is not all that I am and it took losing myself and just about everything else to figure it out.
Now I move forward to the next adventure with a clearer focus. Better prepared to do a fantastic job no matter where I land! I’ll be taking with me everything that I have learned from the past, but removing the “cape”. I don’t need it anymore. I just need to be me.