I have spent the last few weeks re-evaluating some major goals. It goes without saying that the last several years have brought some major upheaval to my life – both good, and well…not so good. While I have to some extent picked up the pieces, there are still parts of me that feel rather lost. After thought and reflection, tears, frustration and major anxiety, I think I am ready to move forward again.
Knowing that I may not be totally fulfilled with my current “day” situation, the bottom line is that I need to stay with it, despite the daily obstacles, until I can get my responsibilities under control. Hopefully it won’t take me very long, but you never know, because life has a way of throwing you a curve ball when you least expect it.
Which leads me to the rest of my life. As I stated in an earlier post, 2012 was going to be the year of Susan. It still is, but I’ve learned that I can’t do it all. The original goals I made for myself this year are simply unrealistic considering what I wanted as the outcome. It almost pains me to say this, but I over-estimated what I thought I was capable of doing. You’d think I would have learned from my previous mistakes! The good news this is that I recognized early enough in order to perform a bit of damage control.
I know that I have a tendency to want and do everything all the time, but realize that I don’t have “all the time” in the world available to me. Then I feel guilty because in some twisted way I feel as if I have let everybody down, including myself. But, I am only human and there is only 24 hours in a day. Eight hours are spent sleeping, 10.5 hours for work including prep time and travel, an hour for household chores, 2.5 hours for dinner and socializing with the husband, an hour of personal time, which leaves about 2 hours for writing and reading. So, where does that leave me? Majorly frustrated and pi$$ed off with myself.
Well, I will still continue to write and participate in the various challenges with the writing groups I participate it, I just need to scale it back. I will read others posting and comment as I am able. My personal projects are being scaled down to a more manageable tasks and everything else will get done when it gets done.
The first really big change is my book club. I am so proud of my accomplishment from last year, but it was a grueling schedule, especially to get all the reviews posted. With everything that I want to do this year, I know that I will not be able to read 52 books in 52 weeks. I have so many other things that I want to accomplish this year, that I don’t have the time to devote to reading that much. With that in mind, I am reducing the number of books I plan to read, but will continue on the path that I’ve chosen to publish the reviews in as many locations as possible.
One of the biggest things I want to accomplish this year is to improve my overall health. We purchased a park pass so my husband and I can get out more and explore Sonoma County, CA; this beautiful area we call home. We have lived here for a long time and there are areas of the county we have never been to so this will be the year to do that. I hope to be able to share photos from our adventures. In the meantime, I will be posting photos from previous ones until we start getting out there and using our cameras.
The bottom line is that I need to stop setting these unrealistic expectations for myself. My intentions are well-meaning, but the overall consequences are not. Really all it does is create unwanted stress and anxiety for myself. So if I have been a little absent lately or if I happen to go MIA, have no fear. It just means I am off on an adventure or working on a project and I will be back soon to share it with all of you!
Thanks for your patience and understanding of this incredibly long blog post. And now, here is a photo I took during our recent trip to Fort Bragg, CA. This is at Glass Beach.
|Glass Beach, Ft. Bragg, CA