I probably shouldn’t write this. In fact, I have edited it about a dozen times so far, and am wondering if it’s really worth it. But the muse wants me to through it up into the wind and let it drift where it may.

I’m feeling really blue tonight…

Whenever a holiday roles around, I am reminded of how lonely I am without friends or family nearby. I try not to think about it too much; I guess that is why I’ve worked a lot over the years…to forget the fact that everyone is so far away. 

Sometimes I wonder what is wrong with me. How can one person not make a friend? Am I that unlikeable? Do I have cooties or something? Oh! I know…I am not one of the beautiful people…or in the in-crowd. Crap…

Not long ago, I commented on my Facebook page about the fact that my high school graduating class was having their reunion. Not a single one of them made an attempt to contact me to let me know. I just happened to stumble across another Facebook page with the information. I must have been really invisible in high school.You know it’s not like I can’t be found. My parents still live in the same town. They are pretty prominent members of the community. I guess I am still invisible.

I am not without friends entirely. There are a handful of core people from throughout my life who to this day, remain good friends. I am grateful for them. You all know who your are.

Former work friends? A few…but far away…again. Current work friends? A couple, but what will happen when the work ends? No telling.

I hate feeling like this! I feel like Snoopy…bleah.

It’s not fair to my one true friend, the one who stands by my side, who would do anything for me and does so all the time. Whenever I feel like this I sulk, in my room, and he sits alone. But he knows I love him and he loves me. I am so lucky…I wouldn’t have made it this far without him. 
But I still need some friends…nearby. Will someone please tell me what is wrong with me? Why am I not good enough?This is something that has bothered me…for years! I’d really like to know.
Ok…I’m off the pity wagon now. But, I still want to know…Ok?  Do I have dog germs?!?!

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I am participating in the Blogging from A-Z Challenge for April 2012. Today’s post is for the letter F.

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20 thoughts on “Friends

  1. Susan–first great big ole ((HUGS))!! I wish we lived closer– I'd definitely be your friend-not just in the virtual world–but in the real world as well. I promise you, you do not have dog germs.

    Seems I have friends, but with a family, I rarely get the occasion to hang out with them–ever. If it weren't for Facebook, email, texting, then I would feel very isolated! It won't always be this way, I know. I haven't hung out with my own friends since October 2011. And this month (April–6 months later) I am flying 1000 miles to Florida and will get to see some of my life long friends there. These events are so few and far between!!

    Not sure I have the right words here–but just know I'm your friend πŸ™‚ even if it is over the computer!!

    Cheers, Jenn πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks Jenn for your hug and kind words! I know life just gets in the way for most of us. I just really would like someone to pick up the phone and call me for a change (instead of the other way around). I'll feel better in a few days, once the holiday is over. I think the next one, I am going to go hibernate! Thanks for becoming one of my new friends! Have a great weekend!

  2. I wish we coul meet in person so I could tell you that I find you a great person, what I know of you from the blogging world. Be happy you have good friends, you don't need hundreds, you just need them true!

  3. Dear Susan,
    I'm so sad that you feel the way you do. I see that you have many followers and friends on your blogsite, so that should mean something!

    We all get lonesome from time to time. I think when people work a lot it's very difficult to nurture relationships, and maybe that's the case with you.

    1. Thank you Sharon. I have been gaining more followers in the last year. It is exciting to see that people are really interested in what I have to say.

      Nurturing relationships has been difficult as you said. That's why I have real job now that encourages a work/life balance. I have more free time, and hopefully one day be able to cultivate more in-person and long-lasting friendships

  4. Susan, I so wish I could answer this one for you. I just can't imagine. Since I only know your inner self, the woman I adore, I can't imagine that you don't have a gazillion friends. Maybe you don't show that part of you to the physical world? If they knew the girl I know, everyone would be hanging with you.

    1. I don't know if I have the answer for it either. That's why I thought I would throw it out there. I really don't have lots of friends, and the ones I do have live far away.

      You know Jo, some days I just don't know how I would get thru the day if I didn't have your support (and Jenn's and Darlene's and Daphne's and Darlene's and Elizabeth's and Kathy's and all of my other writing friends!).

      I can always count on your honesty and encouragement. You are golden!

  5. Hello Susan, came across your blog through the A-Z Challenge and I must say that this post really touched me.

    It's amazing sometimes, how one can be surrounded by a sea of people, yet still remain feeling lonely. πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you for visiting Lily…you picked an interesting day to stop by. I am not always like this. I know that many of us feel like this often, but have a hard time expressing it. As a writer, I've become more in tune with my feelings and expressing them thru words. I just want my readers to know they are not alone when it comes to stuff like this. Thanks for stopping by! I hope you visit again soon!

  6. you[ll probably get a lot of comments today like this one: One great friend is worth more than a thousand acquaintances. I think underneath it all, we all feel as you do; some of us may be able to throw big parties with a hundred guests, but that doesn't mean they're all close friends. If we're lucky, maybe 3 or 4 who attend we could pour our soul out to. I am lucky to have two children in midlife. But I have few relatives, and Easter is spent with my 93 yr old mom. And I have very few close friends. But those few I hold very close to my heart. Holidays are rough on a good many of us. You are not alone.

    1. Thank you for your kindness Sandra. I really appreciate it. This Easter I am going to spend it with my best friend…he's been a little neglected lately. I need to keep him happy.

  7. I'm so sorry you're feeling blue, and I understand all about being far away from friends and family. Just today I was wishing I had friends in this city I could call on the spur of the moment to meet up with for a coffee. Loneliness sucks. πŸ™

    And you do NOT have dog germs. πŸ™‚

    Hope things in the friends department start looking up soon.

    1. Thanks Dawn. I been reading your blog too, and I have a feeling we are alike in many ways. Loneliness does suck and there's not much to do except try to fix it. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.

  8. I know how you feel, Susan. I live away from my family and friends…not so far, but far enough to be an inconvenience. I often feel like I need to reach out or else I'll also be forgotten. Still, I feel blessed to have my best friend with me. And I'm glad you and I both have core people we can rely on to remind us how much we are loved.

  9. I feel a lot like you at times, Susan – I have lots of 'acquaintances' (and some I do know better than others) but no-one I could really call a 'best friend' and my family are all grown-up now and living their own lives. The main times when I feel lonely is over holiday periods when everyone is involved with their own family and friends. So I know exactly how you feel.

  10. Susan now the holidays are nearly over I hope you're feeling a little better. It isn't easy living far from your non-virtual friends, and making new friends takes time and energy and serendipity to find someone simpatico. I hope that comes along soon, and that meanwhile the blog world lets you feel less isolated.

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