One year today, Dad, you left us behind. Your pain and suffering ended May 29, 2022, but ours began that day. For some of us, it has been going on for much longer. The world you left behind is much different than the world you entered. Nothing is the same without you.
One Year Today
Your passing left a family broken and shattered. It’s been a tough one for us. It has been excruciating for me, but no one in the family you left behind seems to give two shits about it. For me, it’s been a year of crying, fighting, verbal abuse, comparisons to others in the family, guilt trips, and accusations. One year today, I live with three plus phone calls daily. Listening to “I’m sick.” “I don’t want to live alone.” “I wish you were here; I need someone to take care of me.” “Why won’t you move here?”
Taking Control
All the while dealing with my own personal issues. Dad, I feel like the people you left behind don’t care or have forgotten about me and all that I have been through. One year today, and I am exhausted. At the end of my rope most days, and quite honestly can’t take it anymore. One year today, and I am still living with the constant reminders that I am the “shit” daughter and listening to the never-ending guilt trips.
I should not have to tolerate this. It leaves me no choice but to fight back. I don’t want to, but I have to. No one should have to; it’s not right. One year today, and I am still fighting for the life I want. I am still being questioned about my choices. But they were my decisions, not anyone else’s. I took back control of my life when I moved away all those years ago. I know you didn’t approve, but I had to do it. Otherwise, I would not have had a life. Not the one I really wanted.
Enduring
But yet, here I am, one year today, enduring. I know it won’t last forever. It just feels like forever, and that is not right either. No one should make you feel like I have felt. I wish that things were different. Looking around, I see other families who seem so perfect. I see pictures of happy families on social media and ask why I can’t have that. Why can’t I have a caring and supportive family? No one should have to go through what I have been through. But yet, I endure.
Oh, Dad, one year today, if you only knew what you left behind. I miss you more than words could ever say. My hope is that you are finally enjoying a pain-free existence in the afterlife. I hope you are with your momma and all of your friends and family who left before you. Most of all, I hope you are looking down and proud of the person I have become, even if just for a moment.
