As the years go by, the number of unanswered questions in my life continues to grow. There is a litany of them, and during the holidays, they become more pronounced than any other time of the year. It seems that every path I take adds more questions with no discernible end. Life was so much easier when I was young and oblivious, but now as an adult, I have time on my hands to think about these questions and agonize over the whys.
The Big Unanswered Question – Who Am I?
I was adopted when I was a baby. I didn’t find out until much later, and quite honestly, didn’t put much thought into it during my earlier years. Don’t get me wrong, I have had a good life. But now that my adoptive parents are in their twilight of life, I think about it often. I wonder about so many things. Who were my birth parents? Where did they come from? Do I have other family? Why was I given up? Why didn’t they want me? Who am I? So many unanswered questions.
I guess I wouldn’t care so much, if I didn’t have other things in my life that were dependent upon the answers to these questions. It’s actually a little annoying…no…a lot annoying to fly blind through life without knowing your history. Instead, I have had to navigate the waters of the unknown and believe the lies that various healthcare providers told me in order to avoid answering my questions I have been asking practically my whole life. I could be bitter about it, but who am I to judge why this happened.
Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda
I have pretty much lived a solitary lifestyle. Growing up in the country, left me with few friends. I coulda had more, but I lived too far away from everyone with whom I went to school. Save for a few, does anyone even remember or think about me these days? Another unanswered question. I shoulda made more of an effort to keep in contact with a few people, but my life went in another direction. I woulda loved to still be friends with some of them. Now, I am happy with the friends I have (Shelli, Liz, Jeanie, Rona, my HDH family, and my new work family) even if I don’t talk or see most of them every day,
Dignity and Importance
I will probably always have unanswered questions. At this point in my life, I don’t have the energy to pursue most of them. I need to concentrate on the present as there are other issues that require my focus. Issues that I have no doubt will lead me and my family into a sea of more unanswered questions. I pray nightly for those answers.
So, I close now in the words of Tennessee Williams,
Life is an unanswered question, but let’s believe in the dignity and importance of the question.